I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
