did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
