You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
