he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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