hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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