Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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