Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
