and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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