when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
