is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
