It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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