THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
