I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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