I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
