just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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