you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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