So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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