So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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