she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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