He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
