oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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