Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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