you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
