It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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