A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
