my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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