i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
