trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
