R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
