I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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