He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
