Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
