We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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