Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
