I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
