it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
