I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
