why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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