Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
