As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My balls are so social today.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
