just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
