Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
