....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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