i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's always time for handjobs
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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