Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
