I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
