It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
