woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
