ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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