you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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