Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
