but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
