ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
