I looked at my own cervix.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
