i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
