my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize