She is in my trunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
