Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
