my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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