His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
