anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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