Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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