Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
