She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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