Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
