We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
