if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
