Having a random hookup so left but love u
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
