Your mouth is God's brothel.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
