they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm getting married
To pizza
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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