i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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