Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
