"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
